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Well, for the record, I tried.
That's my bread and butter you're fucking with.
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Created on 2012-03-28 20:09:12 (#1586716), never updated
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| Name: | Charles Foster Offdensen |
|---|---|
| Birthdate: | Jan 20 |
| Location: | Mordhaus, Mordland |
so metal that Charles F. Offdensen, Dethklok's CFO/manager/lawyer, is a man who means business. In addition to representing the Scandinavian/American death metal band, he also serves as the head of Dethklok Inc. and manages the company's multi-trillion dollar finances. Although the members of the band aren't exactly sure what it is that he does, Offdensen has proven himself to be an integral gear in the Dethklok machine. He is responsible not only for keeping them financially afloat, but also for their continued safety and protection from countless enemies. The band is his top priority, and he has stated that "you'd probably have to kill me to get them away from me." Short, bookish, and mousy, Offdensen is not an intimidating figure at first glance. However, what he lacks in zazz he more than makes up in acute attention to detail and an especially brutal management style. He is a firm believer in waivers, be they pain, life, or paternity, and has many times ordered the mutilation, torture, and/or death of those he deems a threat to Dethklok. Personally, he is still formidable: as well as holding his own in unarmed combat, Charles is a competent fencer and has killed a rival Dethklok employee in a duel. Despite the fact that Offdensen remains apathetic to most of the carnage, death, and damage the band is constantly audience to (and has contributed to it himself), he is concerned about the role destruction plays in the band's reputation: "A bloodbath doesn't read well in print." The one group of people he has a soft spot for, Charles alternates between the voice of reason for and the irritated enabler of the "boys," supporting them professionally but only relating emotionally to them very awkwardly. Offdensen is fond of fine brandy and cigars. It is likely that he is also the voice of Face Bones, Dethklok's animated mascot. |
he's a robot. "All right, guys, this is costing us several million dollars to destroy this report. Now, I want you to know that, William. A lot of stuff that you don't know about goes into silencing the media. First off we need to make agreements with all participants to evict information from the record. This of course includes rounding up all participants. And of course if there are any problems, we'll have to deal with them." Participant: You can take this waiver and shove it up your ass! Klokateer 1: Let it be known that the participant is belligerent. Klokateer 2: Noted. Participant slated for mental reprogramming, facial reconstructive surgery, and relocation. "Well, you guys don't need to know everything that goes into it... just know that it's a long, complicated, expensive process." Participant, dumped on side of the road: THIS ISN'T MY FACE! "This happens every time you, William, have a media disaster. Which is often." -TributeKlok "Hey, uh, Nathan, I uh... understand you're experiencing a little bit of girl trouble. Just wanted to lend you a shoulder to, ah, you know, ah, cr-- uh, you seem like you're okay. For the record, I tried." -Klokblocked Charles Foster Offdensen is a character from the [adult swim] TV show Metalocalypse. He is the property of Tommy Blacha and Brendon Small, and I don't claim to own or be him. I am also not Jack Coleman, nor am I (or Charles) Noah Bennet. This is just an RP journal meant for fun. No copyright infringement is intended, and no profit is being made. |
band management, brandy, brutality, business, crystal mountain records, death metal, dethklok, economics, epeés, fencing, financing, gibson, law, nathan explosion, pickles the drummer, publicity, record sales, skwisgaar skwigelf, tiffany lamps, toki wartooth, william murderface iii
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